"Titans" -Warriors of Virtue

[channe]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Hmm. I didn't like Dr. Moreau.

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Channe, the next JMS, who lives for the One and dies for the chocolate cheesecake
--
OnlineDude: I suppose now would not be the time to bring up the old one about the starlet who was so new to Hollywood she slept with the writer...
JMS: But that was only because she heard that in Hollywood, *everyone* screws the writer.

[This message has been edited by channe (edited October 23, 2001).]

 

[B5_Obsessed]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

You should be happy with where I'm going then, Warren. I got a few more goodies to finish up in that conversation, before I can move to another scene. I'll bang it out early tomorrow.

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"When something we value is destroyed, we rebuild it. If it's destroyed again we rebuild it again. And again, and again, and again. Until it stays. "
~Jeffrey Sinclair

 

[B5_Obsessed]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Channe, the Val Kilmer "Moreau" was horrid.
Go check out the Michael York one from the 70s. It's better.

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"When something we value is destroyed, we rebuild it. If it's destroyed again we rebuild it again. And again, and again, and again. Until it stays. "
~Jeffrey Sinclair

 

[B5_Obsessed]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Oh and one final thought. Don't give us too many hints Warren. It's been much more fun arriving there by accident!

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"When something we value is destroyed, we rebuild it. If it's destroyed again we rebuild it again. And again, and again, and again. Until it stays. "
~Jeffrey Sinclair

 

[solaris5]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

I might join in after seeing the compiled version, right now I find it hard to keep track since I've missed most of it.
I haven't done a lot of serious stuff online, most of it is more of a humorous nature, but I'm gonna try and write more seriously, and if that doesn't work out, atleast you'll have me to write your comic relief (any good story needs it)


May Valen be with you.

 

[channe]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Ok. Just two thing, two niggly little nitpicky things: Warren, could you try to use less ellipses? It's great for the mood, but it's getting a bit trying on my eyes. And I'm calling it Titan until I come up with a better name - a lot of it rides on what organization we decide these guys work for. Thanks.

And, 'cause having the flu makes Channe a crazy, slightly ungrammatical writer:

--

INT. DARKENED ROOM

Keller awakens, laying akimbo on the floor like a Christmas package shoddily wrapped and badly delivered. There's not much light here; what little light there is slides in from the bottom of an otherwise sealed door. But it's enough to see her fairly clearly, as well as the crumpled figure in the corner - wearing a Titan jumpsuit.

Pushing herself up on her right shoulder, she collapses, and swears. Reaching up, she touches it and comes away with blood - a LOT of blood - on her hand. Her right arm, examined, is uncovered and bruised in multiple places - as if a careless nurse tended to her in a hospital and kept on missing the vein.

She moves over - she's still very sore, and favors the newfound injury on her right shoulder - to shake the crewmember. When he doesn't wake up - she turns him over, and finds his features caught in a painful rictus of death.

KELLER (letting out a breath)
Hell. Bravo team.

She sighs. She's seen her share of dead in her day, but there's always that emptiness when you find out the dead is someone you've had a drink with...

KELLER
What, Tom... did you tell them what they wanted to know? Or didn't you? I could use some advice, here.

She begins to search the body - there could be something she could use, after all, and he can't exactly use it. She pockets his ID tag, but other than that there's nothing.

ALIEN VOICE (like Kaheel's)
THERE ARE MORE.

KELLER (looks up)
More - more what?

ALIEN VOICE
WHERE THAT CAME FROM.

--

I'd like to see these people as something other than regular Earth military - we should definitely take into consideration the fact that the whole piece seems to revolve around genetics...

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Channe, the next JMS, who lives for the One and dies for the chocolate cheesecake
--
OnlineDude: I suppose now would not be the time to bring up the old one about the starlet who was so new to Hollywood she slept with the writer...
JMS: But that was only because she heard that in Hollywood, *everyone* screws the writer.

[This message has been edited by channe (edited October 23, 2001).]

 

[Demonn]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

I think the story sounds better if they were Earth Force. All you guys really need to do is revise the characters and give them EA ranks:

Bakana brought up the point that the Captain wouldn't leave his ship, there is a way we can fix that one a little. All we have to do is leave a General in charge of the Titan. It gets a little screwy when Daly took his first officer with him but who cares General Maxwell can take care of the Titan by himself. Anyway here is the revised character list, if anyone has a problem with it than go ahead and just change it, or you can just totally ignore it.
********************************************

EAS Titan Crew
(1)General Maxwell
(2)Lt. Commander L.Downey -Communications, Translations
(3)Lieutenant Natasha Mar -late 20's (Think Natasha Henstridge)
(4)Dr.Chenei -MD -Research specialist -mid 30's (Think Lucy Lu)
(5)Mr.Billy-Bob (B.B)Horton -Engineer
(6)250 Marines on standbye
(7)EAS Titan Crewmembers- alot

SUO (Special Unit Operations)#1 -Team Bravo...
(1)Lieutenant Kate Henderson -late 20's (think Angelina Jolie) ...strong, tom-boyish, and very beautiful...capable...
athletic, intelligent...
(2)Ensign Matt Shepard
(3)Gunnery Sergeant Daniel J. Teiger
(4)Staff Sergeant Ryan Paterson
(5)Corporal Jenna Owens
(6)PFC Rebeca Peyton
(7)Private Ken Onishi
(8)Private Tom Rotan -Deceased

SUO (Special Unit Operations)#2 -Team Zulu...
(1)Captain James Daly (think Ed Harris)
(2)Commander Ari Keller
(3)Lieutenant Kaheel -specialist in many fields...aka the walking computer (Alien-Human Hybrid, Think Jude Law in "AI")
(4)Ensign Reg Lee -early 20's, youngest of the group...(think a young Steve Buscemi)

Bad Guys
(1)Vai or KRRZKADD
(2)Old Man
(3)Humans turned into whatever
*******************************************

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A proud member of the Wind Swords.
"War is life and death is the only true peace."

 

[Kitaro Sasaki]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Channe,

I love the idea of getting away from the typical military group concept...and focus on a group of specialized research scientists (geneticists)...although, most of them would be trained to handle life-threatening situations...They would still have military skills, etc...

Channe, please excuse my ignorance...but the note to me regarding using less "ELLIPSES"...

You want me to use less ommissions of words!?

Sorry for not understanding...-Warren-

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[Kribu]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Warren: I think Channe means the "..." character.

Of course, I'm not entirely sure of that since when I learned English grammar, an ellipse/ellipsis was indeed used to signify an omission.

P.S. The story is great!! I'd love to contribute but it's got far too complex for me - and I don't trust my English skills well enough to write something literary.

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"It's animal magnetism. What can I say?"
- G'Kar, A Tragedy of Telepaths
Visit Kribu's Lounge - now completely ad-free!

 

[Kitaro Sasaki]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Bakana and War-Demon,

Great suggestions! Thanks for contributing your intelligence! It is greatly appreciated. It seems that we have assembled quite a capable group of creative writers...

Once again, I have to consume all that has been suggested, and then start to process this information to further our journeys in this adventure...

Thank you all whom I have not acknowledged!

*If anyone comes up with a better title than "Titan -Warriors of Virtue", please post your suggestions.

*I do think a more appropriate title is needed to reflect the story better. I have a feeling that things are going to be travelling in different waters very soon!

How does "GENESIS" sound for the title?

Cheers! -Warren-



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[Sinclair]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

I have to admit that this is the first time I've read this particular thread. From what I've read (not quite all of it), I like what I see. I don't visit this thread that often because I want to wait until the Rangers movie comes out, so that I'm less likely to run into spoilers. I do come here occasionally because I know members of the cast post here, and I'm interested in what they have to say.

I think it's great that they post here, and I shall continue to follow this thread in particular, as it has captured my interest. Keep up the good work!


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All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belong. Now, I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear.
-Ambassador Jeffrey David Sinclair, War Without End

 

[channe]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

I've come up with a way to take Bakana's comments into consideration without causing too many undue ripples.

As of yet, we don't know the size of Titan. Nor do we know exactly how many people are on it. Nor do we know if it's affiliated with the Earth military establishment as bakana knows it (and as they would probably know it in the future). The following solution would explain many things, such as why James Daly would go down to the planet:

What if they're mercenaries?

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Channe, the next JMS, who lives for the One and dies for the chocolate cheesecake
--
OnlineDude: I suppose now would not be the time to bring up the old one about the starlet who was so new to Hollywood she slept with the writer...
JMS: But that was only because she heard that in Hollywood, *everyone* screws the writer.

[This message has been edited by channe (edited October 23, 2001).]

 

[Zoriah]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

This is wonderful!

I can't wait for more installments.

I love storytelling myself and have done some fiction posts on other more fantasy oriented sites, but what's great about reading this, is that it's easy to visualize what's going on.

You guys have managed to find a nice balance between having interesting dialogue and letting the visuals and actions speak for themselves.

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[channe]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

War-Demon, you have some really good suggestions with EarthForce, even though we're not exactly playing around in the B5 universe anymore. We could definitely go your way. We could also demote Daly and Keller.

Warren, I do like Genesis but it just doesn't seem to "fit..." I name my stories like Ellison, though, so that could be part of it. Another thing I do is don't name the thing until it's done. I usually have working titles.

However, I'd honestly feel better if they weren't military, basically because I'm a silly civilian. I was thinking that some of the people on the trip would be scientists, such as Chenei and her staff, and maybe Kaheel, but for the most part, they were mercenary-contractors hired out to run the Ishnu operations for the company, to *get* the samples and *get out.* They weren't expecting this.

Ooooh! I know what they were hired out to do! But I'm not going to tell any of you, no, no, no! Not until it comes up in the story!

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Channe, the next JMS, who lives for the One and dies for the chocolate cheesecake
--
OnlineDude: I suppose now would not be the time to bring up the old one about the starlet who was so new to Hollywood she slept with the writer...
JMS: But that was only because she heard that in Hollywood, *everyone* screws the writer.

 

[channe]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Yes, the ellipse is usually used to signal an omission in a quote, but you can also use it informally as Warren is using it, "off the English record" as we call it over here. However, for many of your ellipses, you could use periods, commas, semicolons, etc., and your text would even flow a lot better. :
)

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Channe, the next JMS, who lives for the One and dies for the chocolate cheesecake
--
OnlineDude: I suppose now would not be the time to bring up the old one about the starlet who was so new to Hollywood she slept with the writer...
JMS: But that was only because she heard that in Hollywood, *everyone* screws the writer.

 

[B5_Obsessed]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Hey, now! We're generating some interest. I've never written any fanfic myself. It just seemed like fun to jump into a story that no one knew where it was going.

It's fun and different.

If you look at the early threads, we kept introducing elements and making suggestions (a mysterious casket, a droid, a hooded Ranger, footprints), but nobody wanted to actually be responsible for explaining, revealing, or dealing with these elements.

So in my first post, I smashed the crap out of the droid. It was getting too complicated down there. But I think as we go along, we're getting a little more daring and as things present themselves, we'll run with them.

I may not get to post a piece until lunchtime, sad to say.





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"When something we value is destroyed, we rebuild it. If it's destroyed again we rebuild it again. And again, and again, and again. Until it stays. "
~Jeffrey Sinclair

[This message has been edited by B5_Obsessed (edited October 24, 2001).]

 

[channe]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

For me, it's a question of believably working the casket into the current story, and that's hard.

As for the droid - I have anticipated that and will deal with the droid in my next post.

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Channe, the next JMS, who lives for the One and dies for the chocolate cheesecake
--
OnlineDude: I suppose now would not be the time to bring up the old one about the starlet who was so new to Hollywood she slept with the writer...
JMS: But that was only because she heard that in Hollywood, *everyone* screws the writer.

 

[Kitaro Sasaki]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

Well, is it good advice to start over this story with some of the new found elements? Or should we keep on going?

I think that the new direction has the solidity to create fluidity on which to build a stronger story and introduce believable character portrayals.

This new focus will be a group of 9, highly specialized, "Research Retrieval Recruits" that have been sent out on a particuliar mission to locate and obtain information, samples of various living and non-living organisms for scientific experiments..

A geological exploration expedition...something like this.

Thoughts?

-Warren T.Takeuchi-

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[B5_Obsessed]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

We live for the Job.
We die for the Job.

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"When something we value is destroyed, we rebuild it. If it's destroyed again we rebuild it again. And again, and again, and again. Until it stays. "
~Jeffrey Sinclair

 

[channe]

Re: \"Titans\" -Warriors of Virtue

How about if these people worked for a company - call it Korlei Incorporated for now, I am taking better suggestions (incidentially, the same company Henderson's father works for) in the Research & Retrieval department?

Also incidentially, most of these people are either disgruntled former military or have been trained in militia groups in the colonies around the Breakdown (planets on the Western front of Terran-run territories)... but their loyalties, and their paycheck, comes from Korlei.

They do the dirty work for the company - as well as what Warren said above.

IMHO, "Research Retrieval Recruits" sounds a *tad* bit tacky, and many of these people are obviously not recruits (i.e. Daly, Henderson & Keller) although there are definitely recent hires (Reg) and non-trained scientists from other departments (Kaheel). But Research & Retrieval is a great name for them.

It's vague enough for us to do whatever we want with them. *evil grin*

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Channe, the next JMS, who lives for the One and dies for the chocolate cheesecake
--
OnlineDude: I suppose now would not be the time to bring up the old one about the starlet who was so new to Hollywood she slept with the writer...
JMS: But that was only because she heard that in Hollywood, *everyone* screws the writer.

[This message has been edited by channe (edited October 24, 2001).]