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Funniest B5 Quotes
- Thread starter Emfeeli
- Start date
RW7427
Super Moderator
Two of my favorites, which I have used as part of my signature line here and at b5rangers.net are the following:
Sheridan to Bester "And I could nail your head to the table, set fire to it, and feed your charred remains to the Pak'ma'ra. But it's an imperfect world. We can't always get what we want, so get used to it."
Garibaldi to Sheridan in the episode Knives:
"I once thought I saw a line of purple wombats doing showtunes in my bathtub."
------------------
Last night I had a dream of purple wombats doing showtunes around my salad bar. RW, Anla'Salad'Shok'Na of the Salad Rangers.
Sheridan to Bester "And I could nail your head to the table, set fire to it, and feed your charred remains to the Pak'ma'ra. But it's an imperfect world. We can't always get what we want, so get used to it."
Garibaldi to Sheridan in the episode Knives:
"I once thought I saw a line of purple wombats doing showtunes in my bathtub."
------------------
Last night I had a dream of purple wombats doing showtunes around my salad bar. RW, Anla'Salad'Shok'Na of the Salad Rangers.
Jade Jaguar
Regular
"You look like a Pak'Mara ate your cat!" (Ivanova)
------------------
You're speaking treason! Olivia De Havilland as Maid Marian
Fluently! Errol Flynn as Robin Hood
You're talking treason! Olivia De Havilland as Arabella Bishop
I trust I'm not obscure. Errol Flynn as Dr. Peter Blood
Pallindrome of the month: Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas.
------------------
You're speaking treason! Olivia De Havilland as Maid Marian
Fluently! Errol Flynn as Robin Hood
You're talking treason! Olivia De Havilland as Arabella Bishop
I trust I'm not obscure. Errol Flynn as Dr. Peter Blood
Pallindrome of the month: Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas.
"You have a magic rock that provides you with a map to a mystical place that is a metaphorical book that has answers to questions we haven't even asked yet, and you want us to spend days in hyperspace based on that?" -- Max to Galen
"I am many things. I am bright, personable, charismatic, and not a bad dancer, but expendable, no." -- Max
"I have this feeling something is terribly wrong."
"You're at war with everyone in the known universe. Perhaps you were thinking of that."
-- Londo & G'Kar
"My people are taught to avoid crossroads, also, beaches, pits, caverns, and wells."
"Where do you go on vacation, another part of the room?" -- Dureena & Max
"I'm starting to feel like some kind of yoyo."
"Some kind of what?"
"Yoyo. slang for idiot, fool."
"I meant the toy."
"Well then there's that, too..."
-- Trace, Dureena & Max
------------------
I'm lobbying for someplace more comfortable for our next gathering place. A nice resort with a beach. A bunch of pale skinned technomages in black robes would fit right in.
"I am many things. I am bright, personable, charismatic, and not a bad dancer, but expendable, no." -- Max
"I have this feeling something is terribly wrong."
"You're at war with everyone in the known universe. Perhaps you were thinking of that."
-- Londo & G'Kar
"My people are taught to avoid crossroads, also, beaches, pits, caverns, and wells."
"Where do you go on vacation, another part of the room?" -- Dureena & Max
"I'm starting to feel like some kind of yoyo."
"Some kind of what?"
"Yoyo. slang for idiot, fool."
"I meant the toy."
"Well then there's that, too..."
-- Trace, Dureena & Max
------------------
I'm lobbying for someplace more comfortable for our next gathering place. A nice resort with a beach. A bunch of pale skinned technomages in black robes would fit right in.
Here are a few more:
"Cannot say. Saying, I would know. Do not know, so cannot say."
--Zathras
"Zathras not of this time. You take, Zathras die. You leave, Zathras die. Either way, is bad for Zathras."
--Zathras (again)
"There's Snow White and the Seven Narns, Who's Your Little Pak'ma'ra, others."
--Gideon
"We should have wiped out your kind when we had the chance."
"What happened? Run out of small children to butcher?
--Londo and G'kar, getting along in the usual manner
More will come
Philip Voss
------------------
"There is no memory with less satisfaction in it than the memory of some temptation we resisted."
-Harlan Ellison quoting James Branch Cabell
"Cannot say. Saying, I would know. Do not know, so cannot say."
--Zathras
"Zathras not of this time. You take, Zathras die. You leave, Zathras die. Either way, is bad for Zathras."
--Zathras (again)
"There's Snow White and the Seven Narns, Who's Your Little Pak'ma'ra, others."
--Gideon
"We should have wiped out your kind when we had the chance."
"What happened? Run out of small children to butcher?
--Londo and G'kar, getting along in the usual manner
More will come
Philip Voss
------------------
"There is no memory with less satisfaction in it than the memory of some temptation we resisted."
-Harlan Ellison quoting James Branch Cabell
Infested Londo
Regular
Just searching for "londo+garibaldi" in Down Below Archive comes up with so many funny stuff...
Londo: "The next day, I woke up. I saw her in the light of day, sleeping against my arm and I decided I would rather chew off my arm than wake her up."
Garibaldi: "Oh, that's sweet."
Londo: "No, no. She had a voice that could curdle fresh milk. "Londo!" "Yes, dear?" "Londo!" "Coming, my darling. I'll be right there, my love bug."
chewarm.zip
Londo: "Mr. Garibaldi, do you really think I would do such a thing to you, my good and dear friend?"
Garibaldi: "In a minute."
Londo: "You're right, but I didn't ..."
inamint.wav
Londo: "I'm sorry. Here open my wrists."
Garibaldi: "Centauri don't have major artery's in their wrists."
Londo: "Of course we don't. What do you think, I'm stupid?!"
opnwrist.wav
Gotta love Londo
------------------
"If I don't see you again here... I will see you, in a little while... In a place where no shadows fall."
Babylon 5, my dear dear fellow fans, is the greatest thing on this earth. Understand how lucky you are for knowing it.
Live For The One
Die For The One
Eat At Joe's
Etc, etc.
Londo: "The next day, I woke up. I saw her in the light of day, sleeping against my arm and I decided I would rather chew off my arm than wake her up."
Garibaldi: "Oh, that's sweet."
Londo: "No, no. She had a voice that could curdle fresh milk. "Londo!" "Yes, dear?" "Londo!" "Coming, my darling. I'll be right there, my love bug."
chewarm.zip
Londo: "Mr. Garibaldi, do you really think I would do such a thing to you, my good and dear friend?"
Garibaldi: "In a minute."
Londo: "You're right, but I didn't ..."
inamint.wav
Londo: "I'm sorry. Here open my wrists."
Garibaldi: "Centauri don't have major artery's in their wrists."
Londo: "Of course we don't. What do you think, I'm stupid?!"
opnwrist.wav
Gotta love Londo
------------------
"If I don't see you again here... I will see you, in a little while... In a place where no shadows fall."
Babylon 5, my dear dear fellow fans, is the greatest thing on this earth. Understand how lucky you are for knowing it.
Live For The One
Die For The One
Eat At Joe's
Etc, etc.
TheInfection
Regular
A_Ranger said:
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> "Oh, I heard a new joke. Hehahaahhh. What is more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narns?"
"Heh, I don't know. What is more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narns?"
"One angry Narn with a key."
Good old Londo. He always gets the jokes
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Actually, the joke was told by the Minister to Vir. Can't remeber his name right now, but he was played by Damian London.
Oh, damn! Did I remebered this?! I must get a life.
Regards,
TheInfection
------------------
Things change... long time gone by.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> "Oh, I heard a new joke. Hehahaahhh. What is more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narns?"
"Heh, I don't know. What is more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narns?"
"One angry Narn with a key."
Good old Londo. He always gets the jokes
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Actually, the joke was told by the Minister to Vir. Can't remeber his name right now, but he was played by Damian London.
Oh, damn! Did I remebered this?! I must get a life.
Regards,
TheInfection
------------------
Things change... long time gone by.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> I didn't get anything Rebo and Zooty said. Were they supposed to be funny
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> JMS Speaks:
Neil kept the humor sort of off-base... operating on the assumption that there are some things that become au courant or funny because of context: Steve Martin's "excuuuuse me," for instance. Now, it ain't funny, it's just annoying... at the time, EVERYbody was saying it and laughing.
R&Z are similar cultural phenomena... their "with a machine" catchphrase, for instance, which the crowd knew and reacted to. To us, and Lochely, it didn't mean anything.
Lochley's reaction was tailored to be EXACTLY the same as most women's (and some guy's) reaction to the Three Stooges: either it's funny, or you can't figure out why people are laughing.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
This sort of thing was true several times when people made "jokes" on Babylon 5. Some people "just can't tell a joke".
Occasionally a joke just falls flat in real life.
So, why should all of Mr. Garibaldi's jokes be funny? He's human too.
------------------
Yes, I like cats too.
Shall we exchange Recipes?
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> JMS Speaks:
Neil kept the humor sort of off-base... operating on the assumption that there are some things that become au courant or funny because of context: Steve Martin's "excuuuuse me," for instance. Now, it ain't funny, it's just annoying... at the time, EVERYbody was saying it and laughing.
R&Z are similar cultural phenomena... their "with a machine" catchphrase, for instance, which the crowd knew and reacted to. To us, and Lochely, it didn't mean anything.
Lochley's reaction was tailored to be EXACTLY the same as most women's (and some guy's) reaction to the Three Stooges: either it's funny, or you can't figure out why people are laughing.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
This sort of thing was true several times when people made "jokes" on Babylon 5. Some people "just can't tell a joke".
Occasionally a joke just falls flat in real life.
So, why should all of Mr. Garibaldi's jokes be funny? He's human too.
------------------
Yes, I like cats too.
Shall we exchange Recipes?
KoshN
Super Moderator
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Emfeeli:
Sometimes, when the days are so dark, we need humor to light up the day. How bout people just post some funny B5 quotes? heres one for now:
"I didn't even know the little creep could fly a starfury."
-Garibaldi on..well I think you know who
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
"Do you know what this is, hmm? No, I can see you do not. You have that vacant look in your eyes that says, 'Hold my head into your ear, and you'll hear the sea.'"
- Londo to Zack, from "The Very Long Night of Londo Mollari"
Londo's inflection is perfect.
My thanks to a couple people on the moderated Group for the info.
http://alt.tnt.tv/babylon5/episodes_img/503_bravari.mov
http://b5.sdvc.uwyo.edu/bab5/snds/vcntlook.wav
The mov is better, because it's the most complete without being too specific.
------------------
KoshN
----------------
Vorlon Empire
"To Live and Die in Starlight"
pilot movie for the new series
"Babylon 5 - The Legend of the Rangers"
January 2, 2002 on The Sci-Fi Channel.
http://www.scifi.com/b5rangers/
Sometimes, when the days are so dark, we need humor to light up the day. How bout people just post some funny B5 quotes? heres one for now:
"I didn't even know the little creep could fly a starfury."
-Garibaldi on..well I think you know who
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
"Do you know what this is, hmm? No, I can see you do not. You have that vacant look in your eyes that says, 'Hold my head into your ear, and you'll hear the sea.'"
- Londo to Zack, from "The Very Long Night of Londo Mollari"
Londo's inflection is perfect.
My thanks to a couple people on the moderated Group for the info.
http://alt.tnt.tv/babylon5/episodes_img/503_bravari.mov
http://b5.sdvc.uwyo.edu/bab5/snds/vcntlook.wav
The mov is better, because it's the most complete without being too specific.
------------------
KoshN
----------------
Vorlon Empire
"To Live and Die in Starlight"
pilot movie for the new series
"Babylon 5 - The Legend of the Rangers"
January 2, 2002 on The Sci-Fi Channel.
http://www.scifi.com/b5rangers/
KoshN
Super Moderator
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by En'til'zha:
For me Morden is a source of some fantastic grim humour. Vir finally getting what he wants, and his comments about his head still rotting on a pike in the Centauri Royal Gardens.
What can I say, I'm morbid!
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Did you watch Stephen King's "Needful Things" and find it mostly funny? I did, though it was dark humor.
------------------
KoshN
----------------
Vorlon Empire
"To Live and Die in Starlight"
pilot movie for the new series
"Babylon 5 - The Legend of the Rangers"
January 2, 2002 on The Sci-Fi Channel.
http://www.scifi.com/b5rangers/
For me Morden is a source of some fantastic grim humour. Vir finally getting what he wants, and his comments about his head still rotting on a pike in the Centauri Royal Gardens.
What can I say, I'm morbid!
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Did you watch Stephen King's "Needful Things" and find it mostly funny? I did, though it was dark humor.
------------------
KoshN
----------------
Vorlon Empire
"To Live and Die in Starlight"
pilot movie for the new series
"Babylon 5 - The Legend of the Rangers"
January 2, 2002 on The Sci-Fi Channel.
http://www.scifi.com/b5rangers/
TrustTheCorps
Member
Discussion of Whitestar deployment between Londo and Drazi ambassador--
D: Our pilots have seen...
L: Your pilots?! Your pilots should have their eyes checked. I don't know how you see out of them at night, anyway. Tiny, beedy, little things. No, The Maker has not been kind to you.
D: Then you know nothing...
L: Yes, of course WE know. The maker has gifted us with great big eyes, and great big scanners, and great big... well you don't care about that.
------------------
The Corps is Mother; The Corps is Father
D: Our pilots have seen...
L: Your pilots?! Your pilots should have their eyes checked. I don't know how you see out of them at night, anyway. Tiny, beedy, little things. No, The Maker has not been kind to you.
D: Then you know nothing...
L: Yes, of course WE know. The maker has gifted us with great big eyes, and great big scanners, and great big... well you don't care about that.
------------------
The Corps is Mother; The Corps is Father
Kraig
Regular
Ivanova: If I live through this job without completely loosing my mind it will be a miracle of biblical proportions.
Corwin: Well there goes my faith in the almighty.
----------------------
Voices of Authority
First one: VORLON TAVUTNA CHOG !
Marcus: I think you just hit a nerve. The Vorlons must owe them money or somthing.
Ivanova: At least it tells us they know our language they just aren't willing to speak to us in it.
Markus: Who knew they were French. Sorry.
----------------------
Convictions
Two Drazi Missionarys checking in through in customs.
Garibaldi to Zack: Do me a favor and explain the missionary ..ah.. position to these folks.
----------------------
Fall of Night
Sheridan (required to give an apology speach, says the speach he would like to give in his quarters): I appologize. I'm sorry. I'm sorry we had to defend ourselves against an unwarrented attack. I'm sorry crew was stupid enough to fire on a station with a quarter million civilians including your own people. and I'm sorry I waited as long as I did before I blew them all straight to hell.
As with every thing else it's the thought that counts.
------------------
Corwin: Well there goes my faith in the almighty.
----------------------
Voices of Authority
First one: VORLON TAVUTNA CHOG !
Marcus: I think you just hit a nerve. The Vorlons must owe them money or somthing.
Ivanova: At least it tells us they know our language they just aren't willing to speak to us in it.
Markus: Who knew they were French. Sorry.
----------------------
Convictions
Two Drazi Missionarys checking in through in customs.
Garibaldi to Zack: Do me a favor and explain the missionary ..ah.. position to these folks.
----------------------
Fall of Night
Sheridan (required to give an apology speach, says the speach he would like to give in his quarters): I appologize. I'm sorry. I'm sorry we had to defend ourselves against an unwarrented attack. I'm sorry crew was stupid enough to fire on a station with a quarter million civilians including your own people. and I'm sorry I waited as long as I did before I blew them all straight to hell.
As with every thing else it's the thought that counts.
------------------
Hi folks, I'm back...
I don't quite remember the exact conversation, but it is from 'Voices Of Authority':
Marcus: "Maybe I should put a bucket on my head, and pretend to be the great Vorlon god *****."
Ivanova: "That's it!"
Marcus: "Great, I'll go get a bucket".
And my personal favourite:
Ivanova: "Good luck, Captain. I think you're about to go where everyone has gone before."
------------------
"How will it all end?"
"In fire..."
"Oh Great! Way to cheer up a dying Emperor!"
I don't quite remember the exact conversation, but it is from 'Voices Of Authority':
Marcus: "Maybe I should put a bucket on my head, and pretend to be the great Vorlon god *****."
Ivanova: "That's it!"
Marcus: "Great, I'll go get a bucket".
And my personal favourite:
Ivanova: "Good luck, Captain. I think you're about to go where everyone has gone before."
------------------
"How will it all end?"
"In fire..."
"Oh Great! Way to cheer up a dying Emperor!"
HockeyPlayer47
Regular
How about these guys? I don't remember the Centari's name but he was the head of the Defense commity... or somthing like that.
Londo: No, he is still here as my body guard. Where I go, he goes.
Centari: My condolences.
G'kar: Thank you. It's a burden but I've learned to accept it.
====================
Centari: You may want to freshen up. Both of you.
G'kar: It's a natural musk. I rather enjoy it.
====================
Londo: I'm sorry. We don't usually treat our guests this way.
G'kar: Yes you do.
Londo: Shut up!
G'kar: I was only trying to help.
I dunno. I'm running out of ideas.
------------------
Ah, good old Psi-Corps. Ya know you guys never cease to amaze me. Just what do you do in your spare time anyway? Juggle babies over a fire pit? Woops... there goes another calculated risk!!!
-Ivonova
God I'm off! I couldn't be more off the f~(%!n' mark! -Bruce Boxleitner
Londo: No, he is still here as my body guard. Where I go, he goes.
Centari: My condolences.
G'kar: Thank you. It's a burden but I've learned to accept it.
====================
Centari: You may want to freshen up. Both of you.
G'kar: It's a natural musk. I rather enjoy it.
====================
Londo: I'm sorry. We don't usually treat our guests this way.
G'kar: Yes you do.
Londo: Shut up!
G'kar: I was only trying to help.
I dunno. I'm running out of ideas.
------------------
Ah, good old Psi-Corps. Ya know you guys never cease to amaze me. Just what do you do in your spare time anyway? Juggle babies over a fire pit? Woops... there goes another calculated risk!!!
-Ivonova
God I'm off! I couldn't be more off the f~(%!n' mark! -Bruce Boxleitner
hey all! (again)
I'm back.
"Mister Bester."
"Captain Sheridan."
"Get the hell out of my chair!"
--Im guessing you can figure out who said that one
"If they begin firing on us, should I tell them to come back in the morning when were all fresher?"
--John Matheson
A little morbid humor:
"I confess that I look forward to the day when we have cleansed the universe of the Centauri and carved their bones into little flutes for Narn children."
--G'kar...oh that G'kar always with the kind words
keep em coming guys...that londo one was really funny (remember what body part he used for gambling?).
--Phil
------------------
"There is no memory with less satisfaction in it than the memory of some temptation we resisted."
-Harlan Ellison quoting James Branch Cabell
I'm back.
"Mister Bester."
"Captain Sheridan."
"Get the hell out of my chair!"
--Im guessing you can figure out who said that one
"If they begin firing on us, should I tell them to come back in the morning when were all fresher?"
--John Matheson
A little morbid humor:
"I confess that I look forward to the day when we have cleansed the universe of the Centauri and carved their bones into little flutes for Narn children."
--G'kar...oh that G'kar always with the kind words
keep em coming guys...that londo one was really funny (remember what body part he used for gambling?).
--Phil
------------------
"There is no memory with less satisfaction in it than the memory of some temptation we resisted."
-Harlan Ellison quoting James Branch Cabell
Kribu
Administrator
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR>"With luck, they may never find you, but if they do, you will know pain..."
"...and you will know fear..."
"...and then you will die. Have a pleasant flight."
- G'Kar and Na'Toth to Tu'Pari
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
From The Parliament of Dreams.
------------------
"It's animal magnetism. What can I say?"
- G'Kar, A Tragedy of Telepaths
"...and you will know fear..."
"...and then you will die. Have a pleasant flight."
- G'Kar and Na'Toth to Tu'Pari
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
From The Parliament of Dreams.
------------------
"It's animal magnetism. What can I say?"
- G'Kar, A Tragedy of Telepaths
Another quote from Voice in the Wilderness - and yes! - it's another Ivanova quote!
Ivanova making a comment about the agressive Captain Ellis Pierce.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> Worst Case of testostorone poisoning I've ever seen! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
------------------
Ivanova making a comment about the agressive Captain Ellis Pierce.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, arial">quote:</font><HR> Worst Case of testostorone poisoning I've ever seen! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
------------------
Well, the funniest thing from B5 i've seen in a while was in an episode from the other night. Its was that english guy with the scar on his eye acting. It was terrible. To a degree that it made me laugh.
------------------
"There is no memory with less satisfaction in it than the memory of some temptation we resisted."
-Harlan Ellison quoting James Branch Cabell
------------------
"There is no memory with less satisfaction in it than the memory of some temptation we resisted."
-Harlan Ellison quoting James Branch Cabell
Londo Molari
Member
"If you see something this big with 8 legs crawling around, let me know... I have to kill it before it develops language skills." - Londo Mollari
------------------
I have carefully selected the following words of wisdom for my signature:
"Gravity, you win again." - Zack Brannigan.
"Real men over-clock their modems!" - Vertigo.
"Death to SIERRA/TNT/XOOM/Fortunecity" - Me.
------------------
I have carefully selected the following words of wisdom for my signature:
"Gravity, you win again." - Zack Brannigan.
"Real men over-clock their modems!" - Vertigo.
"Death to SIERRA/TNT/XOOM/Fortunecity" - Me.
