Funniest B5 Quotes

[Demonn]

Sheridan: I thought we agreed on a descrete presence by security.
Delenn: This is descrete, it is far more descrete than Mr. Garibaldi perfered. Having each guest strip searched on his way in.
Sheridan: Well I'm gladyou could talk him out of it. I have no desire to be struck blind by the sight of Londo naked. *looks across the room and sees londo and waves with a smile on his face*

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A proud member of the Wind Swords.
"War Is Life And Death Is The Only True Peace"

 

[Demonn]

G'Kar: You want to be president?
Sheridan: Yes
G'Kar: Put your hand on the book and say I do.
Sheridan: I do
G'Kar; Fine done lets eat.

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A proud member of the Wind Swords.
"War Is Life And Death Is The Only True Peace"

 

[Demonn]

*The new members of the Alliance are yelling.*
Londo: I would remind the Drazi ambassodor that the Centauri Republic has allready signed the declaration.
G'Kar: That's right if the Centauri can sign it anybody can sign it.
Londo: That's right I... wait a minute
*The fighting continues.*

I can see that I'm like the only person still going with this thread, so if anyone else just wants me to shut up than please let me know.

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A proud member of the Wind Swords.
"War Is Life And Death Is The Only True Peace"

 

[Emfeeli]

no no. Please continue. I didn't realize people were still posting at this thread I'll try and add some.
I'm not sure this is funny...but the way Lennier said it:

"The few surviving Earth Ships, that were ordered to protect your world at any cost, were not an obstacle."
--Lennier
Damn EA sucks.

"I apologize. I am sorry...and I'm sorry I waited as long as I did before I blew them all streight to Hell.
"As with everything else. It's the thought that counts."

--Sheridan

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"When I was a kid, every Sunday dad would take us out for a drive. We never knew where we were going, that was half the fun. We just go. He'd say, pick a direction and one of us would point, off we'd go."
-John Sheridan
"Sleeping in Light"

 

[Demonn]

Londo: I don't understand it.
G'Kar: hmm *eating the fresh spoo*
Londo: These reports, when we are at peace we cut production on ships and weapons 25% and ivest money that into the economy manufactureing, research, and development.
G'Kar: Sensible wise, who thought it up for you?
Londo: Right now even though we are not at war with anyone. Our producton of war material has increased 15%, Why?
G'Kar: Well with everyone now on the same side perhaps you're planning on invading your selves for a change. I find the idea curiously appealing. Once you've finished killing each other we can plow under all the buildings and plant rows of flowers. Spelling out the words TO ANNOYING TO LIVE in letters big enough to be seen from space. Would you like some spoo it's fresh?
Londo: Fah get that away from me.

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A proud member of the Wind Swords.
"War Is Life And Death Is The Only True Peace"

 

[Jade Jaguar]

War Demon, that scene is one of my favorites. Thanks for posting it.

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You're speaking treason! Olivia De Havilland as Maid Marian
Fluently! Errol Flynn as Robin Hood
You're talking treason! Olivia De Havilland as Arabella Bishop
I trust I'm not obscure. Errol Flynn as Dr. Peter Blood

Palindromes of the month: Lager, sir, is regal. Do geese see god?

 

[Sinclair]

(Sinclair runs into Talia at the transport tube.)

Sinclair: Problem with the transport tube?

Talia: No, not really. It seems like every time I get into the tube, Mr. Garibaldi's there. It's like he knows.

Sinclair: Talia, Mr. Garibaldi's many things, but he's not omniscient.

(Transport tube opens, with Garibaldi inside.)

Talia: I think I'll take the stairs.

Sinclair: I think I'll join you.


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All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belong. Now, I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear.
-Ambassador Jeffrey David Sinclair, War Without End

 

[EntilZhaDelenn]

Some of my favorites...

Delenn: Butt. Butt. I butt, you butt, he or she butts. Butt, butt, butt, butt..."

Galen: "Oh, my liver...I was wondering where that had gotten to."

Lennier: (Seeing Delenn w/curlers in her hair) Does...does that hurt?

Delenn: No. It is oddly relaxing.

Lennier: *Turns to leave and touches his head*

Londo: "Have I ever told you that you are cute for a Minbari? *Points to Garibaldi* And you, you are cute too, in an annoying sober way. Everybody's cute. Everybody's cute. Even me. Bnut in purple, I am stunning!" *Passes out on table*

*Pouts* I shoulda came here sooner!

EntilZhaDelenn

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"There is always hope. It is the one thing no one has figured out how to kill yet." Galen.

"It's a shame our reality is devestating." Eve What's Going On?

"Oh, but who are they to judge us? Together we can all be strong." Alicia Keys, What's Going On?

"Oh, brother, brother, brother. There's far too many of you dying." Gwen Stefani, What's Going On?

 

[Emfeeli]

Here are a few more to add to the bin:

"Power, dignity, and presence... I look like a bellhop."
-Gideon on the new uniforms
Oh and they did look like bellhops.

"When the Drazi asked me how rough they should be when they took you down here, I didn't want to be pushy so I left it to their own discretion. But I forgot, in the Drazi language there is no equivalent word for discretion."
-Max

You kinda had to see Vir's face for this one but...

"What's going on out there?...What are you doing? What am I doing here? Why are you hitting me?"
-Vir
Thirdspace

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"Forget about the reasons and
The treasons we are seeking
Forget about the notion that
Our emotions can be swept away
Forget about being guilty,
We are innocent instead
For soon we will all find our lives swept away"
-Dave Mathews Band
"Seek up"

 

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Sheridan: This is my security officer, Mr Girabaldi.

Gen Franklin: I had an Alfredo Girabaldi under my command during the Dilgar War. Any relation?

Girabaldi: He was my father.

Gen Franklin: So much for genetics.

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[Vorlon]

I'm surprised no one did this one...

Londo is drinking at the Zocalo and G'Kar arrives with his followers:

Londo: "Hello G'Kar, I didn't know you had children".

G'Kar: "Neither do I"!

Londo: "Really? Most inconveniant when this happens, but in your case, most amusing".

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Understanding is a three edged sword.

 

[kochia]

I wish I could rememmber some of Londo's lines during his bedelivement by Elric. I know they are there, I just can't remember them.
That was a great episode.

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"No boom to-day, boom tomorrow.
There is always a boom tomorrow."

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

First post.

Woo-HOO?? as said by Lennier to Sheridan after the night that Sheridan and Delenn "...explore their centers of pleasure".

The entire "Ivanova Dance" with the Lumati ambassador, Corelermerzon. You know, the one that started "We had a date the other night..."

The mighty Sho-Rin has spoken.

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Into the sands of blood comes the Sho-Rin, master of the [b/Mutai[/b]

"I'm not saying what I'm thinking. I'm not even thinking what I'm thinking." John Sheridan

 

[**DONOTDELETE**]

"Would you prefer to be conscious or unconscious during the mating? I would prefer conscious, but I don't know what your .. pleasure threshold is."
Ambassador G'Kar to Lyta Alexander, The Gathering

"You still haven't told me when the commander is due back?"
"Soon."
"How soon is soon?"
"Longer than little while, faster than later."
Mary Ann Cramer and Security Chief Michael Garibaldi, Infection

"The last time I gave an interview they told me to just relax and say what I really felt. Ten minutes after the broadcast I got transferred to an outpost so far off the starmaps you couldn't find it with a hunting dog and an ouiji board."
"Don't sweat it. Just be that charming, effervescent commander we've all come to know and love. What's the worst that could happen? They fire you, ship you off to the Rim and I get promoted to Commander. I don't see a problem here."
Sinclair and Garibaldi, Infection

"Ambassador, it is not my place to speculate on how anything gets in your bed."
Aide Na'Toth to G'Kar,The Parliament of Dreams

"I know, I know. It's a Russian thing. When we're about to do something stupid, we like to catalog the full extent of our stupidity for future reference."
Ivanova, A Voice in the Wilderness, Part II

"There, you see! I'm going to live."
"So it would seem. Well, it's an imperfect universe."
"Bastard."
"Monster."
"Fanatic."
"Murderer."
"You are insane!"
"And that is why we'll win."
"Go be the ambassador to Babylon 5 they say. Will be an *easy* assignment. Ah, I hate my life."
"So do I."
"Shut up!"
Londo and G'Kar, Convictions

"I will not support murder. We can not kill him."
"Can we wound him? Just a little?"
Franklin and Ivanova, Dust to Dust

"I thought the purpose of filing these reports was to provide accurate intelligence."
"Vir, intelligence has nothing to do with politics."
Vir and Londo, Point of No Return

"This is Ambassador Delenn of the Minbari. Babylon 5 is under our protection. Withdraw, .. or be destroyed."
"Negative. We have authority here. Do not force us to engage your ship."
"Why not? Only one human captain has ever survived battle with Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else."
Delenn and Captain Drake, Severed Dreams

"The next time .. the next time .. you want a revelation .. could you possibly find a way .. that isn't .. quite so .. uncomfortable?"
Neroon and Marcus, Grey 17 is Missing

I'm getting too tired to list any more.

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"No one here is exactly who he appears," - G'Kar

 

[Demonn]

"A View from the Gallery" is one of my favorite episodes, I really loved the way Mack and Bo got along.

Mack and Bo in Babylon 5:"A View from the Gallery"

"You've seen him and Delenn together, right? Now that's true love, my friend. You don't see that very often."
"Quite very true. He's a good man."
"Yep. A good man."
"I heard he was dead once."
"Yeah, well, nobody's perfect, Bo."

"Hey, .. Can I ask you a question?"
"Shoot."
"What the hell are these things for?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, what do they do?"
"What do you mean what do they do? You run 'em along the floor, like this."
"Ok. So what does it do? It's not any cleaner."
"Don't know. Maybe it looks for cracks on the floor or it does something to the metal .. makes it stronger. I don't know."
"So you don't know either?"
"No."
"Well .. I guess it's time for lunch."
"Yep."

"What does it taste like?"
"Hard to say, Bo. Um, kind of, um .. spooish, I guess."
"No. You're supposed to say chicken."
"Huh?"
"It's a joke. Whenever you eat something strange and someone asks, 'What does it taste like?' you're supposed to say chicken. It's funny that way."
"It doesn't taste like chicken."

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A proud member of the Wind Swords.
"War is life and death is the only true peace."

 

[Demonn]

From "There All the Honor Lies"

"Find that Minbari witness I mentioned in my report. He will back me up, I am absolutely sure."
"Ah. Description?"
"Bald, with a bone on his head."
"We are gonna need a real big line-up room."
-- Sheridan and Garibaldi

"It's a mockery. It doesn't even have any .. ahhem .. attributes."
"Attributes?"
"Do I have to spell it out for you?"
-- Londo and Sheridan

"I see. So, you feel like you've been symbolically cast.. in a bad light."
"Well put."
-- Ivanova & Sheridan to Londo

"Babylon control to Theta One. Can you trace that unidentified object?"
"Negative, Babylon control. I don't see a .. [thud]"
"Theta one, have you encountered unidentified object? Can you describe it?"
"Negative, Babylon control. I don't think so. Not on a bet. Heading back to the barn."
-- Babylon control and Keffer

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A proud member of the Wind Swords.
"War is life and death is the only true peace."

 

[Demonn]

From "And Now For a Word"

"Overall I've found this to be a good working environment and a valuable experience. I've learned a lot while I've been here."
"And you have never felt that your safety was compromised?"
"No, Ma'm."
"So, this has been a positive experience for you. You enjoy working with everyone?"
"Yes. It's a calm, pleasant environment. I don't think I have ever seen anyone get upset here."
-- Lt. Corwin and Cynthia Torqueman(ISN Reporter)
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I wonder what happened to Lt. Corwin, I mean do you think he ever got promoted after season five? I think it would be cool to see him as a Lt. Commander or even a Commander.

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A proud member of the Wind Swords.
"War is life and death is the only true peace."

 

[jaxb5ranger]

not a Lt Corwin quote, but the stress bat thing from River of Souls is cute - but it gets hillarious when Lochley has it modified.

"Nobody likes me."
"My mommy dresses me funny."


As for what happened to David Corwin, I doubt he ever rose much higher than Lt. He doesn't have the temperment to get into a full command position. He could've developed to that point, for sure, but we didn't really see much of that potential in B5.

"Zathras trained in crisis management!"



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-Devin Barber

 

[GKarsEye]

This one popped into my head while reading the other thread about Sheridan's "moment of beauty."

"Beauty, in the dark"
"Now you're starting to talk like a Vorlon."

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"You do not make history. You can only hope to survive it."

 

[Demonn]

From "Divided Loyalties"

"You know, ah, while this incessant curiosity may seem necessary to you, Minbari respect the privacy of others by not prying into their affairs. To express undue curiosity--"
"Unable to insert 'Eye on Minbari' section. Do you wish to accept edition anyway?"
"Uh. Yes, yes I do."
"'Eye on Minbari'?"
"It is good to know what your people are thinking and saying about my people. .. And, uh, I often learn things about my own world before I'm told what 'I need to know and no more'."
-- Delenn, Computer and Sheridan

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A proud member of the Wind Swords.
"War is life and death is the only true peace."