JMS should never have written a tale that centered around Christianity (and I want to say religion, but "Day of the Dead" was too good) so heavily. From a writing standpoint, that's immediately wrong. Granted, the theme/motif/symbolism /any other literary element of religion is a big, successful part of Babylon 5, but it's too much of a risk to write about; and why write about it as a Lost Tale? It has been 6 years since LotR, so why comeback with a piece on religion?
The reason why this story fails is because of the premise. This is Babylon 5 The Lost Tales, and for all that time without a spoo's serving of Babylon 5 material, JMS writes this? Why?
Despite the shaky conception, I loved a lot of the 1st story. From the moment Colonel Lochley meets Father Collins, there's a palpable sense of eeriness, and this feeling comes to a head when Lochley asks Collins if he's qualified to perform an exorcism. The dialogue between these two is excellent throughout the story. JMS utilizes solid details to heighten the terror, namely the camera angles. Yes, the camera angles.
As we all know, JMS is a big fan of The Twilight Zone. One of that series most popular installment involved a man who finds refuge in Europe with a group of monks. Although he is physically sick, the man continues to hear a strange howling coming from a mysterious part of the building, and after constant pestering of the monks, he learns that this howling man is the Devil. The camera technique in that episode of the Twilight Zone is identical to JMS's own technique here. It's just an old parlor trick to disorient the viewer, and it works with several other small details to make this story effective.
After a stellar beginning, the story loses its fire. Lochley rushes through assumptions, essentially hand-holding the viewer to the resolution. She also manages to avoid any surprises, twists, or enticements along the way.
What kills me is that I believe two small things would have made this story supremely better.
1. Erase 'Father Collins' and replace with 'Brother Theo.' The Babylon 5 timeline would likely have Brother Theo pushing 60, which would enhance the story by giving it a more epic feel. A priest on his last quest sort of thing. Brother Theo is not only a fan favorite, but he's one of those secondary characters that are nowhere to be found in The Lost Tales.
2. More malevolence, specifically involving aliens. No one has seen how alien races react to something like this. It's a fucking possession -- pull out all the stops! I recall a shot of a few Minbari walking nearby Burke's cell, but now show the viewer how violently a member of the Minbari Religious Caste would react to such a being. (I'm thinking they shatter pieces of their bone crests off and gouge out their eyes with it, or something equally horrible.) As long as I don't have to witness another ill-choreographed bar fight in the Zocalo - of course, that would actually require a cast of more than ten people - then I wouldn't complain.
As for the second story, I found it to be predictable and cartoonish. Who in their right mind thinks Sheridan will condone the murder of Prince Vintari for a second? It was too easy for Sheridan made easier by Prince Vintari's youth. Furthermore, Prince Vintari is written too weakly to be effective; the darkest quality his character employs is angst. Sure, Galen compares the situation to killing Hitler at the cradle, but if Prince Vintari had been in 1930s Germany, he'd have gotten his ass kicked. Where are the sinister, deadly Centauri Youth that Peter David created in the Legions of Fire Trilogy? Instead, Prince Vintari comes across as a teenage Emperor Turhan.
Without the presence of Peter Woodward and what his character brings, the second story is complete garbage.